That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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