I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My balls are so social today.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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