hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
