Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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