I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize