i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
