Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
