Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
