I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
