When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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