I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize