Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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