i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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