one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
