11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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