YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
