Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
