i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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