I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
