She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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