He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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