he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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