i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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