she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
