im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
