Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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