upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
