Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
