I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
