Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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