Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
