I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
