mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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