Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
