TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
