last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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