we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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