shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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