I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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