How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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