I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize