"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize