it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
