so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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