dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
