youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
