I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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