I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
