OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You're like the curious george of whores
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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