can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
