If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
