u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
