The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
