wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Randomize
