Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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