just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
