dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did I show you my penis last night?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
