dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
