I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
