No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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