Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
