She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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