I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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