There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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