I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
