Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
