I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Small penises have feelings too.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
