I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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