I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
