It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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