Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
