Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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