I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
