I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
