why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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